Has she, you might well ask, finally fallen off her trolley? What possible connection could a match-head have with a cauliflower and a coffee spoon? I guess you could ask the same question about mugwump, mint sauce and Eton mess. There lies the beauty and the depth of the English language and poetic resonance, even for those of you who find resonance somewhat hard to swallow…

But swallow this…a tall story, or rather not such a tall one, about a cauliflower. Sewn last autumn (date imprecise) and allowed to mature in the balmy soil of a North-East coastal garden… Lo and behold! April 28th. A wonder of genetic engineering…possibly the smallest cauliflower ever grown…there must be a prize somewhere (Guiness book of Records?). And here it is. Note the matchstick planted beside it, to prove the size…

And if that doesn’t convince you, note the coffee spoon and the match-head beside the joyful little flower…

Anyone fancy sharing cauliflower cheese tonight?